(No, not the band.)
We-the machine, our body-and-soul-the machine, and the every breath we take- the machine.
At times, I feel as if I have a multi-level personality. I can be content one minute and the next- a raging lunatic, lashing out at anything in my path. It’s tragic really. It’s what invoked this post. I wish there would come a time when I could be completely even-keel, at all times, without the need for a leveling medication. I am not on ‘that kind’ of medication and really don’t want to be for fear that I would become numb, and all for what; to numb the machine, that’s what. Fuck that. I refuse to believe I have the need for a chemically balanced pill to make it all go away or dull down the crazy.
Maybe I am happy with all of my discontent, maybe. Maybe I secretly enjoy the aggravation, maybe. Maybe I need the pharmaceutically induced elixir that calms down the crazy, maybe. I don’t know. One might say a person in this state of flux would take any measure to feel better, right?
I’d like to meet those people that are at ease in life, mainly to karate chop them in the throat, but really to ask them what they’re hiding behind, because I don’t believe for one second that there are people that are TOTALLY OK with life and everything they’re dealt. Really? DO YOU EXIST OUT THERE? Hello? Is this thing on?? If you do exist, how do you cope? DO YOU cope or are you hiding? And, if you’re hiding, WHAT are you hiding behind? How do you release?
After a while, you get really tired of asking questions and even more tired of hearing one-sided bullshit answers.